These days.

February 28, 2015

Otto, Ellen & I. 
My inner parent came out this week. Having a baby around made me looking forward to the day i'll actually have one of my own. Not in a long time. But sometime. 

And then on Friday I had the biggest adrenaline rush i've had in a long time. 
I remembered how much I enjoy being reckless, performing, entertain. 
Cheesyness doesn't kill anyone. 
Towards the end I was so drained that I thought i'd faint and throw up. 
It was worth it. 

Grand finale of the two first months. 
January & February. Winter-months. 
I think I will look back later this year, maybe read this, hopefully thinking "that was time of transitioning". 
Transitioning is exactly what these months have felt like. 
Towards the end of last year I was a complete mess. Shattered. 
In January I struggled to pick myself up. All confidence lost. 
February went better. Still tumbling in the dark, questioning everything. 
Glimpses of light here and there. 
Maybe it was needed. Hitting the wall for the first time in a few years. 
Regardless whether it was or not, inner growth has come with it. 

Now the month is ending. I made it through! We all did! 
Finally, the reminisces of strength and positivity seems to have caught up to the current 'I'. My confidence is back. Glad to have Daniel back in Daniels body. 
Ready to give and receive energy and love. 

There's truth in the old cliché "to love others you must love yourself". 

And today I went to my first callback audition ever and one of the first auditions overall since the student-time. 
A fear beaten. 

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